One month...wow. It feels like a lifetime since we got the news. My goal today is to stop replaying in my mind the same message we received over and over again. To many, my son is just a number in the deadliest month in Operation Enduring Freedom, but to us he was so much more.
I got a message from a good friend, whose son is home on R&R from Afghanistan and she told me about some of the struggles they were having as a result of the stress our soldiers are under and I was suddenly sad because I should be having those same exact struggles this week. Our sons should have traveled back to the US together. I should be concerned over how Christopher is handling the stress and I should be having serious talks with him over his attitude and how he can do this and I should be concerned over how angry he gets over simple things or how he snaps at us because he is now home and safe now.
But I don't get any of that. Instead I get grave markers and official reports of how my son was killed under hostile conditions. And I will continue to struggle and fight for the positive in all this because I just did not lose my son, I lost America's son.
My son makes it possible for me to have the freedom to write this blog and for you to read it. He gave me the freedom to make my own decisions and to be a part of this tradition we call America. He gave me the freedom to vote for whoever I want and to turn around and bitch about that vote, if I so desire.
He makes it possible for me to live in a country where bread and milk are everywhere - you don't even have to have a job to afford those luxuries because of him and the freedoms he protects, he'll go out there and fight so that you can get a government voucher for the necessities.
He is not only my son. He is my pride and joy and nobody with a gun or with what I think are insane religious views can take that away. He walked his path with pride. I hope oneday we can all look back and feel that same way.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
Today is 4 weeks since my son was KIA, but it feels like an eternity. On 5/24/2010 my life was forever changed. I will never forget that day or how we got the news. Roy & I were having a nice night. It was aMonday evening and we had already eaten dinner. We were upstairs when Beth 1st called. I missed 3 of her calls before she left a message telling me to call her right away. She was crying.
Roy was on the house phone, so I kept going outside to call. I called her & Heather - no one picked up. Roy got off the phone and asked me what was wrong and I told him I just received a tearful voicemail from Beth. His response was to lets go down there now. My rock was in worry mode. This was not a good sign, yet I tried to stay calm.
As soon as we got to Heathers house I saw the official plate on the care and mentioned that to Roy, who says, he doesn't know why, but he tried to protect me by saying "not it's not", even though he realized I would know the trust in just 3 steps.
In that brief moment I said a quick prayer, hoping to God that my son was injured. Alive. Please be alive.
When Beth answered the door she didn't say a word. Heather was on the floor, sobbing, her father and sister comforting her, but crying with her. 2 uniformed soldiers stood silently in front of the fireplace, one fighting his own tears.
I'm not sure if I asked if he was alive or dea, but they made me sit down and confirmed my relationship to Christopher. Then the Sgt proceeded to tell me this story: My son was on a mission. As they were finishing up they came under fire. Christopher had been shot and died as a result of his injuries.
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Why wasn't Roy making him stop talking? How could this be happening?? I had to get to Cory. he was at work and he had to hear this from me.
I retold the tale to Cory behind the mall where he works.
Beth left her voicemail for me at 7:51 pm and by 9:15 that evening I was on my way home, calling my sisters to tell them that my son was KIA.
In little more than an hour and a half my world would forever change and will never be the same again.
Roy was on the house phone, so I kept going outside to call. I called her & Heather - no one picked up. Roy got off the phone and asked me what was wrong and I told him I just received a tearful voicemail from Beth. His response was to lets go down there now. My rock was in worry mode. This was not a good sign, yet I tried to stay calm.
As soon as we got to Heathers house I saw the official plate on the care and mentioned that to Roy, who says, he doesn't know why, but he tried to protect me by saying "not it's not", even though he realized I would know the trust in just 3 steps.
In that brief moment I said a quick prayer, hoping to God that my son was injured. Alive. Please be alive.
When Beth answered the door she didn't say a word. Heather was on the floor, sobbing, her father and sister comforting her, but crying with her. 2 uniformed soldiers stood silently in front of the fireplace, one fighting his own tears.
I'm not sure if I asked if he was alive or dea, but they made me sit down and confirmed my relationship to Christopher. Then the Sgt proceeded to tell me this story: My son was on a mission. As they were finishing up they came under fire. Christopher had been shot and died as a result of his injuries.
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Why wasn't Roy making him stop talking? How could this be happening?? I had to get to Cory. he was at work and he had to hear this from me.
I retold the tale to Cory behind the mall where he works.
Beth left her voicemail for me at 7:51 pm and by 9:15 that evening I was on my way home, calling my sisters to tell them that my son was KIA.
In little more than an hour and a half my world would forever change and will never be the same again.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
I'm not even sure where to start. Monday will be 3 weeks since my entire existence was changed. I will never forget the night we found out. It is unfortunately ingrained in my soul now and just the mere memory of hearing the words of the notification officer is enough to bring me to tears.
The support that our small town offered was nothing shy of phenomenal. They did not turn out to support just us, but to show their support for every soldier. Hundreds of people lined the streets on 3 separate occassions. Strangers crying and holding flags honoring a fallen soldier.
I could never thank our friends and neighbors enough for the support that they offered and still offer to us. Without them, I'm not sure we could have made it through the first two weeks.
Christopher is buried just a few miles from home, in a poetic spot under a tree, but his real remains are forever in the hearts of those of us that loved him most: Me and my husband, his brothers and his wife.
We have started a scholarship in his name to ensure that once those mentioned above are gone, Christopher's name will live on.
More later...as the numbness fades and the feelings start to pour in.
The support that our small town offered was nothing shy of phenomenal. They did not turn out to support just us, but to show their support for every soldier. Hundreds of people lined the streets on 3 separate occassions. Strangers crying and holding flags honoring a fallen soldier.
I could never thank our friends and neighbors enough for the support that they offered and still offer to us. Without them, I'm not sure we could have made it through the first two weeks.
Christopher is buried just a few miles from home, in a poetic spot under a tree, but his real remains are forever in the hearts of those of us that loved him most: Me and my husband, his brothers and his wife.
We have started a scholarship in his name to ensure that once those mentioned above are gone, Christopher's name will live on.
More later...as the numbness fades and the feelings start to pour in.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Bringing our boy home
Day 10. It's been 10 days since Christopher died and this morning he will finally arrive back home. He is being escorted back home by his dear friend. A man who not only grew up in the same neighborhood, but joined the Army at the same time.
Christopher was due to come home on mid-tour leave on June 15 and we expected him home around the end of the month. At that time we were going to have a big bbq with us, his wife's family and the family of the friend mentioned above, the Haskins crew. This was going to be an event to not only welcome Christopher home but to see Austin off as he would also be home for his pre-deployment leave.
I'll face today with a heavy heart, but I have awaiting this day. I need to see my son. I can't begin to have closure without it. At that time I'll be able to start my new journey towards what will become our new normal.
I'll throw myself into a new direction since there will be much to do: I'll have to find someone to build a webpage for the scholarship foundation and try to find enough donations to get that going and than my most important task of helping Christopher's brother start to heal will begin.
I won't be back for a last a few days so please rest easy all and remember the most important lesson in all of this: Life is short. Love hard.
Christopher was due to come home on mid-tour leave on June 15 and we expected him home around the end of the month. At that time we were going to have a big bbq with us, his wife's family and the family of the friend mentioned above, the Haskins crew. This was going to be an event to not only welcome Christopher home but to see Austin off as he would also be home for his pre-deployment leave.
I'll face today with a heavy heart, but I have awaiting this day. I need to see my son. I can't begin to have closure without it. At that time I'll be able to start my new journey towards what will become our new normal.
I'll throw myself into a new direction since there will be much to do: I'll have to find someone to build a webpage for the scholarship foundation and try to find enough donations to get that going and than my most important task of helping Christopher's brother start to heal will begin.
I won't be back for a last a few days so please rest easy all and remember the most important lesson in all of this: Life is short. Love hard.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
May 24, 2010
A simple moment in time has forever altered my existence. The is the day that SPC Christopher Ryan Barton, 22 years old was killed in the line of duty while serving his country in the Khwost Province of Afghanistan.
He is not just survived by this parents, brothers and wife, but also by much extended family and friends. While his life may have only directly affected a relatively small number of people, his death has affected many.
He is not just survived by this parents, brothers and wife, but also by much extended family and friends. While his life may have only directly affected a relatively small number of people, his death has affected many.
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