I'm sorry you lost your dog, but it's not the same

I've said for a long time I was going to create a list of things not to say to someone who is grieving.  This isn't it, though.  This is an all out rant that stems from an actual converstation that I had with someone who emailed me, three days after losing her dog, to tell me how hard it is to lose a child and that she now realizes that it is very different than losing a parent.

Thank goodness this was over email and she couldn't see the blank look of disbelief on my face.  I have and love my pets.  I call them my furbabies.  In fact, Christopher use to accuse me of loving the dog more than I loved him and his brother.

Now this woman has no children, so I can kind of, with a big stretch of the imagination, understand how she correlates the feelings, but to say it out loud?  To a grieving parent?  No comprendo.  The scary part is that she believe this.  

I suppose that when you have never carried a baby in your womb, it's hard to understand the bond.  My babies and I shared a special bond, untainted by anyone else, for an entire 9 months.  Both my pregnancies were very smooth and I loved being pregnant.  My bond and devotion to my children knows no end.  It can not be destroyed, not even by death.   

I'm not only grieving the loss of my son, but I grieve for my entire family.  My husband and children and their loss.  His wife, who had to bury all her dreams.  No happy reunion or house hunting or babies.  

It makes me shake my head in disbelief when I see people post how prayer works and how great God is.  Don’t get me wrong…I do believe in God.  Chances are, it’s not the same God you believe in.  I saw posts today about how great God is because of the prayers received that this serviceman is recovering from his wounds.  I don’t know what kind of wounds…nothing is in the news, which sadly leads me to believe they were self-inflicted because that’s how the news deals with any kind of PTSD, they help keep it under wraps.

Anywho, that’s an entirely different rant.  The point here is how it drives me crazy that when things go well for someone, God heard their prayers and when things don’t go as planned, it was God’s will.

WTF??  Do you seriously believe that?  After my son was killed by terrorists, I had this man tell me, with a completely straight face, how God saved his dog from being euthanized.  I was dumbfounded into speechlessness.  Roy just stood there, looking at me, I supposed saying his own prayer that I did not say anything at all.

 

I respect your religious beliefs.  I believe in God.  We do not believe in the same God.  I think there is no hell.  I do not believe in a man-created, man-translated book like you do.  We cannot translate a Pepsi commercial to Japanese without sexual innuendo, so I’m befuddled at how you think that the bible was translated from 4 different languages to the work of art it is today.  I think the bible is probably the best selling piece of fiction ever.

Heather's family belongs to two churches.  Many people were praying for Christopher, but nobody harder than me.  I begged and pleaded with God on a daily basis to keep him safe and to let him come home on leave because I had this stuff I had to urgently talk to him about.  I wanted to explain somethings to him; some of my decisions that affected his life.  Did I mention I prayed?  Begged?  Pleaded?  It didn't work.  So they tell me it was God's will.

At this point, I hope you're right because the alternative is that there is nothing after we are through here.  That we bury the bodies of the ones we love and in time, all is forgotten, just like we forgot those who lived 100s of years before us. 

There's a strong possibility that there is nothing out there.  That makes we wonder how I know some of the stuff I know and dreamed some of the stuff I dreamed.  Oddly enough, Christopher had that same gift.  Dreamed silly things that would come true in a few days.  He also believed he would die young.  And that he wasn't coming home from Afghanistan.

Last weekend we went to a reception for Larry Kissell and we got to meet some other candidates to the Cabarrus County area and I have to say that I was a little surprised at the lack of knowledge that some of the candidates running for positions had.

That in particular of the County Commissioner seat.  If I were a politician, I would learn about both sides of each party.  Especially to support my own agenda.  You cannot debate what you don't fully understand.

I also think that straight ticket voting is a huge mistake.  I was discussing the Presidential election with this gentleman and I was shocked at this lack of knowledge of Ron Paul.  He called him "kooky".  That a big political word that I'm apparnetly not familiar with.  Up until Saturday, I thought kooky was a term people used to describe things they didn't understand.

He said he agreed with he foreign policies, but that he wants to get rid of the EPA and Deptartment of Education. 

Yes...this is true.  That's what he wants.  He wants to get rid of those agencies and take it out of the hands of the Federal government and put it into the hands of the state!!!  What is wrong with that? 

Clearly, it's me.

This cracks me up!  Yes, you should always use the reasoning that "it's the way we've always done it" as a reason for a continuation.  And exactly what authority on marriage does Miss Palin have?  I knew she has authority on pre-maritial sex, which, by the way, I see nothing wrong with.  But last time I looked, sins weren't numbered and if gay marriage is a sin, I'm pretty sure getting pregnant during your mothers presidential campaign ranks right up there on the list of sins that will cause you to spend forever in hell. 

Can we also please hear what her brother, Track, who married his 5 month pregnant wife has to say?

How is this news?  Really, ABC...are you this desperate for a story?

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/politics/2012/05/bristol-palin-has-a-bone-to-pick-with-obama-over-gay-marriage/

there are over 6 million Registered voters in NC and only 34% of those people voted. All I can say to that is wow... So do the other 4 million not celebrate things like the 4th of July?

Shame on you North Carolinians

Ok...I will explain this only once, so pay attention. Church and state are separate. That means that one is not ruled by the other. Separate. Apart. Not together. Did anyone besides me and 20 other people pay attention in history class?? Our constitution guarantees equal rights for everyone. Not just heterosexual white males. Everyone has the same rights. That's what equal means. How did Amendment One event get on the ballot? It's unconstitutional! You remember the constitution, right...that document that created America? I really do respect and appreciate your religion. Why is it so difficult for you to do the same to mine? My right is worship as I see fit. My God tells me it's okay to be gay, or orange or bisexual or have an open relationship or anything in between that two consenting adults decide is best for them. Stop acting like you have all the answers with your magic book. That was translated. Numerous times. Here are some other translations that may interest you: The wildly successful “Got Milk” campaign from The Dairy Association when used in Mexico brought a lot of attention also: “Are You Lactating?” Frank Perdue’s line, “It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken,” is a bit different in Spanish — “It takes a sexually stimulated man to make a chicken affectionate.”

The very act of trying to force a democracy on a land or a people is, in and of itself, a hyprocsy of the word.

Yeah...I got to vote again! What an under-recognized privilege. I read that only 50% of the people vote. Shame on the others!! And shame on all the Facebookers complaining about people posting their opinion. If you think I'd rather look at 3 million pictures that you take of your own face, instead of reading informed opinions on matters of law, than thank your God that you are cute because you're going to need something to get you through this life!

If you are basing your vote or opinion off of a poster like this one, we do not have much in common.

Now, I am all for blaming a president when blame is due. The trillions of dollars of debt from Obama? True. But look at where it come from. Much of the deficit he’s created are from continuing two wars that Bush started. Two wars that lost thousands of American lives and injured more men than we lost in Vietnam. And Obama has committed us to helping Afghanistan for 10 years?? That is insanity at its best. The Taliban has been in power since the inception of man. They may have gone under different names during different eras, but they haven’t changed. 10 years is nothing to them. They’ll wait us out, while still trying to kill as many American servicemen as possible, and then just carry on. In fact, if you are voting for either Obama or Romney, we have even less in common. Especially if your opinion was formed from either A: Things like the picture above or B: Listening blindly to the media (and you only listen to one station). I am a Ron Paul girl all the way. He will get my vote in the primary and if he’s not on the ballot in November, I will write him in. I refuse to cast a vote for either of these men. If I could get America to hear me, I would yell at the top of my lungs to please stop blindly following one party. It doesn't work anymore. Only 50% of us vote. Those votes need to be informed.

In just 27 days it will be two years since we lost our Christopher. It's hard to believe that this much time has passed and that I'm still breathing. That I've experienced two years of life without an entire piece of me. I'm sad today. I found an old prescription bottle for 2003 in Christopher's name in the cabinet yesterday and it was enough to send me on my way to a bad night, but I woke with the sun once again and am still trying my best to find the positive. Kids don't understand how much their parents love them. They don't love us like we love them. They do when they are very little, but they lose that as they grow, which is the order or nature. We don't lose that. They continue to love us, yes...but it's different. I miss my son today. I miss him everyday. Sometimes I'm overwhelmed by the fact that I have to do this for the rest of my life.

This clip runs for 9 minutes and I am asking all of my friends to PLEASE watch it. It is about Afghanistan and is very informative. It raises two points I feel are important. The first is how the American public is simply not engaged in the toll the war is taking and the second is how when this turned from a war on terror to a rebuilding effort, it became a losing battle. For those not aware, Joe Scarborough is a republican who is against the war and does not like Romney. I wish he would run for President. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3036789/#47141343

Planned Parenthood

Shared from the Planned Parenthood FB Page: When taxpayer money only covers abortion in cases of rape, incest or to save life of the mother, and when only 3% of Planned Parenthood's services are for abortion care (the other 97% includes cancer screenings, STD testing, and comprehensive sex education), it is just plain wrong to cut off health care access to tens of thousands of women. http://loyalopposition.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/03/08/the-abortion-excuse/ I'm not I quite understand that limitation that man wants to put on abortion. "They" say it's ok in cases of rape, incest or to save the life of the mother, but isn't that playing God? Who are you to decide which morally based reason are acceptable? Does your bible tell you that you have the right to make those decisions in circumstances you see fit? To quote a friend, you either believe life starts at conception or not. It's not a gray area. But on the other hand, it only helps prove the point they are morons and shouldn't be making decisions for someone else's body based on the moral code of their religious doctrine. The law should be based on the constitution.

The Mothers Day after Christopher was killed I came downstairs to this gift that Cory had left me, which is 5 bamboo shoots twisted together. 5 is significant because that's how many our in our family: Roy, me, Bryan, Christopher and Cory. He left a note with the gift that reads "No matter where we go, no matter where life takes us, through all the ups & downs and twists and turns, the five of us will always grow strong. Happy Mothers Day. Love, Bryan, Chris & Cory". I noticed a few months later that one of the shoots had died, and I thought that was rather ironic. I just thought I'd share it here.

Lessons Learned

The most fascinating lesson I learned along my grief journey so far, is the one in psychology. Grief has not only taught me a lot about myself, it has taught me a lot about you. Here are the two greatest lessons I’ve learned: • I know you are insensitive if you tell me (as a non-grieving parent) that you know what I feel like – and you argue with me when I tell you that you don’t. You don’t send a son to war and not wonder what you would do if you lost him. What I imagined and what I am feeling…a million times worse than what I thought it would be. You don’t know. Please don’t minimize my feelings by pretending you do. • I see a glimpse of your marriage as I watch you react to my daughter-in-laws widow status. If you tell me how young she is and will find someone new, I know you don’t love your husband like I love mine or like she loves hers. However, when you tear up at seeing the hurt in the 20 year old widows eye who not only buried her husband, but her unborn children and their lives together, I know how much you love your marriage.

I'm back....with a temporary interruption

I once heard a fellow grieving mother call it grief brain, and I most certainly suffer from it. Here's a classic example. I've been posting a few politically based things on my Facebook page and a friend said I should start a daily blog, I had been toying with the idea and came to blogspot to start an account and it said I already had one! Ha!

So I'm back...but I'll be gone for a few days. I won't bore you with the gory details, but it turns out I have a GIST (gastro intestinal stromal tumor) in my stomach and it's being removed Monday. Please ignore any morphine-induced postings, but I'll be back as soon as possible.

I suppose at some point I'll have to change the name of this blog, but I'm not quite ready to do that just yet. Coming back here and reading some of my past posts was a bit painful. Ok, it was extremely painful and I'm torn on the name because technically, I'm not an Army Mom. I'm not ready to cross that bridge yet.

Much love all!