Friday, December 21, 2012

I'm sorry you lost your dog, but it's not the same

I've said for a long time I was going to create a list of things not to say to someone who is grieving.  This isn't it, though.  This is an all out rant that stems from an actual converstation that I had with someone who emailed me, three days after losing her dog, to tell me how hard it is to lose a child and that she now realizes that it is very different than losing a parent.

Thank goodness this was over email and she couldn't see the blank look of disbelief on my face.  I have and love my pets.  I call them my furbabies.  In fact, Christopher use to accuse me of loving the dog more than I loved him and his brother.

Now this woman has no children, so I can kind of, with a big stretch of the imagination, understand how she correlates the feelings, but to say it out loud?  To a grieving parent?  No comprendo.  The scary part is that she believe this.  

I suppose that when you have never carried a baby in your womb, it's hard to understand the bond.  My babies and I shared a special bond, untainted by anyone else, for an entire 9 months.  Both my pregnancies were very smooth and I loved being pregnant.  My bond and devotion to my children knows no end.  It can not be destroyed, not even by death.   

I'm not only grieving the loss of my son, but I grieve for my entire family.  My husband and children and their loss.  His wife, who had to bury all her dreams.  No happy reunion or house hunting or babies.  

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