Overall, I think we're doing pretty good healing as a family. I went through a very angry period and now Cory seems to be coming out of one himself, but this weekend I was caught totally off guard at the mall. We went to return a pair of shoes and walk around and went to Bass Pro to look at guns and I was fine the entire time, but as we left I had an overwhelming feeling of loss and here's what triggered it:
I took Cory job hunting to the mall one Saturday and he went to BP Shop to fill out an application. Christopher already worked at the mall and met us there and we had lunch together in this food area attached to the store, which you can only get through from the store and as we were leaving, there was the restuarant and I remember the 1 and only time I was there with my boys and I was completely overwhelmed with the fact that I would never see Christopher again. Ever.
It was all I could do to get out of the mall while keeping my composure. Since Christopher was killed, the mall has been a bitter sweet place for me anyway. Many happy times were spent there...shopping with the kids, visiting them at work and bringing them lunch and drinks, etc. And telling Cory in the alley behind where he working that his brother wask killed.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
After much deliberation on where to outlet my grief, I thought the best place to start would be this blog. I've been trying very hard to manage my stress, but it get quite complicated. I think I'm managing well, but then get sidetracked by health ailments that scream otherwise.
Before our first visit to the grief counselor I was on the treadmill, determined to put all my negative energy into exercise, as that's what Christopher would have done, but my husband would come check on me and I'd be crying on the treadmill. It's a little humorous that I'm crying and stressed out through the mechanism that should bring me relief.
It's not working. I feel I need to purge the negativity out through words and I feel bad to speak them because I don't want to add to my husbands or childrens stress levels and grief process, as we all grieve differently.
So here, I can type and type and type out my feelings and feel I've gotten some relief from the stress.
Before our first visit to the grief counselor I was on the treadmill, determined to put all my negative energy into exercise, as that's what Christopher would have done, but my husband would come check on me and I'd be crying on the treadmill. It's a little humorous that I'm crying and stressed out through the mechanism that should bring me relief.
It's not working. I feel I need to purge the negativity out through words and I feel bad to speak them because I don't want to add to my husbands or childrens stress levels and grief process, as we all grieve differently.
So here, I can type and type and type out my feelings and feel I've gotten some relief from the stress.
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