After much deliberation on where to outlet my grief, I thought the best place to start would be this blog. I've been trying very hard to manage my stress, but it get quite complicated. I think I'm managing well, but then get sidetracked by health ailments that scream otherwise.

Before our first visit to the grief counselor I was on the treadmill, determined to put all my negative energy into exercise, as that's what Christopher would have done, but my husband would come check on me and I'd be crying on the treadmill. It's a little humorous that I'm crying and stressed out through the mechanism that should bring me relief.

It's not working. I feel I need to purge the negativity out through words and I feel bad to speak them because I don't want to add to my husbands or childrens stress levels and grief process, as we all grieve differently.

So here, I can type and type and type out my feelings and feel I've gotten some relief from the stress.